Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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