By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
