How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
