he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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