I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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