i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
