it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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