I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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