someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
where am i from again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
