Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
