the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
