I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
