That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
