pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
