Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
