Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize