6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
