The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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