Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
