Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
