He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
