In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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