and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
