I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
