the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
