you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
