I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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