I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
