Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
