And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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