If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
