Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
