i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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