I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
