dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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