"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
