i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
