I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
