please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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