Screwed.edu
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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