i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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