you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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