If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
