I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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