i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
