It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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