I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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