I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
