guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
