I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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