Screwed.edu
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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