Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
