i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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