my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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