Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
