Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
where are you?
Hypothermia
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
