bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
