I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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