I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to sanitize my soul.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
