someone owes me an orgasm
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
