I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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