I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
