Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
