Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
