The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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